Aiden was a local Las Vegas DJ. He showed up for the date with a great physique, but shockingly revealed that he used to be over 350 lbs. I had never dated a MOTS (Morbidly Obese To Skinny) before. I found myself admiring Aiden’s discipline and all the hard work it took to lose the weight. But I wondered whether the ghost of MOTS still lingered inside of Aiden…and sure enough, it did.
Being a formerly unattractive person myself (chubby with horrible acne), I could relate to a MOTS in the sense that I know how much power our old experiences can hold over us. I don’t think Aiden’s mentality ever recovered from being the “Fat funny guy”… giving sweaty high fives and cracking jokes to girls at the club, spinning his music and watching from afar…seeing all the slender, good looking dudes guys scoring all the hot babes.
I could see Aiden desperately trying to morph into his new “Attractive fit guy in his 30’s” persona. But there were tell-tale signs that he was still haunted by MOTS. .
On the first date, Aiden awkwardly ended the evening at the 45 minute mark, saying he had to go home to his dog. “Little Oreo is waiting for me to walk him,” he said. I actually took it as a sign that he wasn’t feeling me. So I texted him the next day, thanking him for the evening. I decided to keep it real and flat out asked: “Hey does Little Oreo really exist? Or was that just code for “Get me away from this boring skank?”
Turns out, Aiden concocted the Little Oreo Story (well the dog was real, the story was just BS) because he wanted to give ME an out to end the date. I had never experienced this before and wasn’t sure how to feel about it. I realized he had already expected me not to be attracted to him, and had an escape plan ready.
So I let him know that wasn’t the case, that I had enjoyed the date and felt an attraction. So we continued on…
After a couple of dates, we decided to hit the club. I’m thinking he’s a DJ so he will definitely be in his element! I brought out the big guns with a tight club dress and sexy heels. We drove separately and agreed to meet at the front. So here I come…strutting my stuff, expecting to knock his socks off and get him turned on with my rockin’ outfit.
I round the corner and see him standing there waiting for me. I approach and stretch my arms out. It’s all playing out in slow motion…and if this moment had a theme song it would’ve been be a sultry slow jam from the 90’s. Oh yeah baby! Keith Sweat is crooning in my head and I’m super excited for a sexy embrace. I can’t wait to feel how attracted he is to me, and how badly he wants to pull my body super close to his. I’m ready…
Instead, I get the most awkward chain reaction ever witnessed in the history of human contact: First he shrieks: “Oh hi!”- Follows it with a nervous giggle, and then completes the trifecta with the ultimate attraction killer -The Ass Out Hug.
During the hug…He’s literally arching his back as much as he can to thrust my body away from his. It’s almost as if the lower half of my body was on fire, with flames shooting off my hips… and he’s backing his pelvis as far away as possible to avoid getting crotch burns! It was THAT bad.
I couldn’t get over how much this killed it for me. And I knew what the issue was. Aiden still felt like the Fat Guy in the club. This was the first time he saw me glammed up, and he got intimidated. He didn’t feel worthy of being my date. I started to lose interest and after a few days, he stopped texting me all together. A self-fulfilling prophecy this ultimately was.
Comical Cupid Dating Lesson: Confidence is key and a major part of attraction. I realized I’m at a point in my life where I don’t want to work through someone else’s self-esteem issues. I am a confident woman in my 30’s looking for my counterpart. I felt bad for Aiden, but it seemed like he had a lot of inner work to do before diving into the dating world. Unfortunately, being an insecure guy won’t earn you a lot of points with women. Men were designed to take charge (respectfully so of course) in this game we call dating. It is what we, as females, respond to. So guys, if you aren’t prepared to put yourselves out there, then take a dating breather and go work on yourself. And save the Ass Out Hugs for your drunken nights out with the bros.