Comical Cupid Weighs in On…Dick Pics!

The Dating Game sure has changed.

Yes, good ol’ Dick Picks have now been thrown into the mix. Has anyone tried explaining this concept to their grandmother yet?

“Well you see grandma, when a guy really likes you nowadays, there is a special way to show it. The nice ones trim up so there’s no forest crotch action and the perfectionists work all angles to give you a full 360 view (Balls may or may not make an appearance). You can tell how much a guy cares by the effort he puts into his Dick Pics. It’s really quite romantic.”

When did it become normal to have millions of random genitalia floating through cyber space? Is there a way to gather every single Dick Pic that has been sent in the world and form a United Nations of hard-ons? Ladies, maybe we can print them all out and make trading cards, just for shits and giggles…lots of giggles.

Is there a single woman who exists on this planet who has actually been turned on by an unsolicited Dick Pic? Or is the typical reaction a mixture of amusement, intrigue and disgust? Like you are just going about your day and you check your phone to see what time it is, and Voila! Some random cock and balls just magically flash onto your screen. Yay, it’s your lucky day!

Comical Cupid needs to keep it 100 here. Sorry guys, but if your intention is to turn us ladies on, then you are being complete buffoons! Sending a Dick Pic to a woman you just met, and haven’t even hooked up with as a “preview” is a sad case of thinking your own perception is the world’s perception: “I instantly get off on seeing female body parts so YOU must also have the same reaction when I send you a pic of my 3 inch manhood!”

Hate to break it to you gentleman, but our femmy minds are not wired to instantly start, ahem, playing turntable DJ with our vah-jay when random penises enter our visual hemisphere. We may actually need some convo going before saying hello to your little (or maybe not so little) friend. Yes, I know, totally different for dudes. You guys catch a glimpse of partial camel toe on any hot chick at the gym, and it’s a ticket straight to bonerville.

Comical Cupid feels there is a decorum to sending a Dick Pic that involves timing. For example, here is an appropriate chain of events: I go out with a dude and there is already an attraction, we start dating and then maybe we hook up (and all goes well) and THEN he hits me with a Dick Pic. I may actually get excited since I have actually met this penis (possibly looked him straight in the eye) and shared a heart to groin moment. So forming a connection with the peen is necessary before a Dick Pic can be effective to the female mind. So fellas, Comical Cupid is not Anti-Dick Pic, just make sure the timing is right.

Disclaimer: And yes, Comical Cupid once turned down a date with one of the most gorgeous men ever to grace a Vegas Tinder profile, A stunning Italian model, for the fatal error of sending an ill-timed “special selfie” (as he called it). (And um yeah Mr. Gorgeous, forget everything I just said, if you’re reading this can we have a do-over someday?)

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